As this is week 1 of 26, of course the letter is A and today my Blog post is all about anxiety.
It is no secret on here that I have experienced such feelings before, but now I am experiencing them again for wholly different reasons. I am about to make some big changes in my life and the truth is, that scares me just a bit.
I have decided to try and go and work offshore. Still cheffing, just in a very different environment, and part of that involves doing an in-depth sea survival course.
Now I can swim, but I am not overly confident in the water so this is a small bit of a worry. One of the things I have to do is get myself out of an upside down, submerged helicopter simulator so that I can prove I would know what to do in a crash.
I'm not afraid to admit that scares me a bit. I have watched a couple of videos and it doesn't look that pleasant. What is more, doing the courses I need is expensive so it is imperative I pass and get my certificates - no pressure then!
Why am I doing this?
Well apart from better money, when I am home I will see more of my family. It means being away from them for up to three or four weeks at a time, but when I come back I will see them for the same amount of time or very close to it.
It tears me up missing so much of my daughter's life at the moment. It almost feels like she is growing up without me at times. This way, I get to see more of her and spend more time with her and Mrs.Sparky won't need to work at doing the bloody silly job she does now where she ends up working from home almost as often as she is in the office.
I start the course on Monday 2nd February and the courses I am doing last all week. I am trying to prepare myself mentally for what I have to do, but a big part of me is bricking it too. Thankfully the helicopter bit is just a small part of the course.
I just have to remind myself that I need to do this to help change my life. I need to stay calm and focused - something that is hard to do when your brain is screaming at you 'What have you done?'
The thing is I can't keep doing what I'm doing now.
My life needs to change.
And only I can make that change.
Change is scary, but sometimes change is also good. That doesn't stop me feeling anxious though....wish me luck!
This is the kind of thing that I will be doing, just in case you're interested...