This is my first Blog post for a while as have had mucho mucho on my mind and mucho mucho going on in my life. I had two sessions with a counsellor- one fairly positive, one which was a waste of time- but regardless of that, my current wave of Depression seems to have decided to frack off for now and my anxiety is at a more acceptable and manageable level so that is all good!
Don't really want to go into details about my experiences with my counsellor but was a little perturbed when I mentioned how I once self-harmed by putting cigarettes out on my arms and he commented that sometimes self-harm can be a positive thing and have some benefits. Errm...forgive me if I'm wrong but surely you shouldn't be condoning self-destructive behaviour patterns or encouraging them? Also, in my first session, he talked about one event in my life that might have triggered the onset of depression and I replied that I thought it was more likely a cultimation of smaller events that had been no less damaging as couldn't single out a single event. He suggested we would look at this again then proceeded to try and blame everything on the pressures at work- this despite the fact that I explained that the pressure per se was nothing new and had always been a part of my job and that I considered it was something in me causing me to feel anxious not anything to do with what I do for a living. If it was down to my job, I would constantly be feeling anxious etc surely, not simply when I was having a bit of a bad time emotionally and mentally. But no, he was adamant it was only because of my job that everything was affecting me. He seemed to ignore the fact that I have been depressed in the past outside of my job simply because I have never seeked treatment until now. And because I was not suicidal or currently self-harming, he almost seemed dis-interested, making me feel as though I was wasting his time and making it all up...
Well, it certainly did something- it reaffirmed me that if I want to beat these waves of melancholy that besige me, I must do it on my own as he wasn't exactly a lot of cop! I know that as with all trades you must get good and bad mental health workers but this guy was a bit of a dick!
The good news is that I really feel better in myself without that prick's help and that, as it always does, my blue period has passed of it's own accord. So much for darn quacks heh??!!??
So anyway, yes am feeling better but am still reading tooo many books at once; I currently have MAO, GONE WITH THE WIND, BOOK 3 OF THE BAKER'S BOY TRILOGY and THE DRESDEN FILES BOOK 3: GRAVE PERIL on the go....Mao is heavy going so reading a little at a time and GWTW is this year's Babbling Books read-a-long whereby members can read the book a chapter or two a week and keep up with discussions as they read it. To be fair, am not enjoying it as much as last year's book, WILD SWANS, so have fallen behind but will catch up with the exploits of Southern belle Scarlett again at some stage....
Keep listening to one of my favourite albums ever at mo....GRAN TURISMO BY THE CARDIGANS; it has this eerie whistling at the very beginning that is the greatest start to an album ever and the whole thing is so chilled out. Easily their best album and constantly on my MP3 at mo....
Thats all for now, just wanted to give you all a quick update, until next time.....ciao ciao xxxxx
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