Friday, 21 August 2009

Hopes, toothache and shattered dreams...

Well, the last two weeks back at work have proved increasingly difficult and more and more frustrating! I am sooo tired of having to think constantly for everybody else be it fellow chefs, receptionists or young and supposedly intelligent waitresses who just swan along in their own little world without any concern under the sun that they are doing anything wrong. I am not going to quote examples because there are waaay too many to mention but, needless to say, after my holiday I am finding it harder and harder to keep my cool and let it all wash over me...

I keep seeing these adverts on the telly for Reds Driving School so thought about registering and seeing what occurs. I have been umming and aahing for some time about leaving the Hospitality Industry but have not done anything about it and thought this might present an opportunity. I signed up online and got given a date next week to attend an interview but, having looked into them online, it appears that the business is not all it's cracked up to me! They claim you can earn up to £30,000 per annum ~ research indicates this is highly unlikely in the first year. Also you owen a franchise so are basically self-employed and lease a car off them. And, at this interview session next week, I will be basically asked to stump up £3,500 approx for training that there is no guarantee I will pass! Only 10-15% of students apparently go on to becoming an instructor, the final examination to become qualified is a bitch to pass and the whole spiel about making your own hours is a farce because you have to make a certain amount of money each month just to pay franchise costs so find yourself at the beck and call of students that you have to go out and locate yourself in the first place! Not sure if I am going to bother next week as it seems like a waste of time but it is a shame because I quite fancied the idea of doing something comnpletely different but this would appear to be tooo much hassle; more in fact than it's worth and not everything it is cracked up to be! I know someone who left Catering to do this through BSM so may drop him a line and check out his opinion on things but this avenue appears to be a dead-end!

I really do want to do something different with my life but don't know what! I do not really want to be stuck in this job for rest of my life as I worry that I will miss out on so much of Emilie's life this way. My job is hardly sociable and, at the moment doing stupidly long shifts, even less so than normal! There is a career advice line they keep advertising on the radio so maybe I should check that out next week instead....

When I asked for questions recently, that was one of the questions asked ~ What am I the most afraid of? Well let me answer that now: I am most afraid of many things; 1} being forgotten ~ passing away without leaving anything of myself behind to be remembered by or not achieving anything memorable in my life. Not leaving an impression on anybody else's lives and becoming just another person who died. 2} Losing the two things most precious to me in my life, Mrs.Sparky and Emilie ~ they define me, who I am, and without them I am nothing. By having Emilie, perhaps it can be said that I have nullified 1} and that I have made my mark (excuse the pun) on the world but what scares me more than anything is that I might lose her or become lost myself before I get a chance to see her grow up and become the strong woman I know she will be. Or that I will lose her mum and Emilie will in turn lose her positive feminine guiding influence and become some kind of teenage tyrant that you read about in the papers. The thing that scares me most? Being alone! Mrs.Sparky is my rock and there are so many things I could not do without her even if I do not always show it or appreciate her. And by being my wife, she has given me the greatest gift she could ever have given me: our beautiful daughter who is the very essence of all our hopes and dreams of the future! Mrs.Sparky has given me some truly memorable gifts over the years and always surpassed herself but she will never outdo the arrival of the daughter that she brought into this world. Emilie is more precious to me than anything else in my life other than her mum and these two people are the only two on this whole godforsaken planet that keep me struggling on through all adversity!

The other question I was asked was "if you were cooking me a meal what would be on the menu (bearing in mind I don't eat meat - except chicken and bacon). What would be the setting and what music would be playing in the background?"

Well Kendie, the setting would be in the new house that I have not bought yet, in the dining room, lit with rose-scented candles. Guests would include yourself, Mrs.Sparky and some of our closest mutual friends from RISI etc and the music in the background would be a random sampling of Katie Melua's three albums because we had them as background music during the meal at our wedding and Damien Rice's album "O" because The Blower's Daughter was our first dance. I would do a simple melon and pineapple stack for starter ligtly drizzled with a passion-fruit syrup. For the next course, we would have chicken breast wrapped in Black Forest ham with sweet mashed potato, roasted baby carrots and fondant potatoes all masked with a redcurrant jus. For dessert, I would do a choice of individual white chocolate and raspberry cheesecakes or sticky toffee pudding with almond and honeycomb ice cream and a poppy seed tuille biscuit. And finally, I would present a small selection of cheeses that would feature white stilton with cranberries, Applewood smoked cheddar, a nice Double Gloucster and a rich goats cheese accompanied by cafitierres of amaretto flavoured coffee and little chocolate petit-fours. Hope that all sounds yummy enough. It's certainly making me hungry.

One other thing I have to endure the last few days is incredible tootnache as some of you might have read on my Facebook status. I haven't been to the dentist in some years after a bad experience and now have a recent upper cavity. Thankfully, I was able top find a local NHS dentist and registered me and Emilie (Mrs.Sparky needs to fill in a form yet so she can register!) and got an appointment for this morning. The dentist was very nice and friendly and told me he thought it was the cavity causing me problems but that I have a back lower on the same side that is slightly black which he wants to examine closer! Took some x-rays and I need to check in next week for results but he said other than needing a professional clean, my teeth weren't too bad considering! Which is nice! He has prescribed me anti-biotics for my tooth-ache which is cool as felt as though I was going insane with the pain last few nights despite taking strong over-the-counter paracetamols! Hopefully will soon have this all sorted!

Can't think of anything else to report, didn't mean to write such a looong Blog but you know how it is! Currently reading Polar Star by Martin Cruz Smith, the sequel to Gorky Park, which is very,very good and just finished Child 44 set in a similar Post-Stalin Russia era and was also very very good! Right, going now... byeeeeeeeeeee! Le Sparks

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