Making a mountain out of a......well, a molehill one assumes

I thought this would be an apt title for this post for many reasons; firstly because I have been guilty of this myself recently, obsessing over a customer complaint I had whilst H.C was away and then over H.C's reaction to it- he is supposed to react, thats his job and his responsibility and I realise now that I was over-analyzing everything and taking things too much to heart AND being overly sensitive about a situation I should just forget about and move on from; secondly because I have apparently got myself banned from a book social networking site and thirdly because I have just cleared up the worst nappy I have had in all 18 months of being a dad and Emilie made a mountainn out of that molehill!! If I said her nappy looked like an explosion in a poo factory I would be being generous- that was DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!! I know she can't help it but...Emilie!!!!!!! That was horrible....

Anyway, I digress.....at the top of the page at RISI there was an advert describing a social networking site for book-lovers and a few ppl mentioned that it didn't seem very busy. So I decided to join up and post some very silly posts on their forum - nothing offensive by the way just silly stuff like Jock McTavish is signing his book, Watching Tartan Paint Dry, at his local library that sort of thing then posted on RISI to say what I had done thinking it amusing. I should point out that only two ppl had posted since last year so it's not like there was anybody to read it on there. So anyway, someone else from RISI joined up and comented that they were angry at me for basically abusing the site and that if anyone had posted like that on RISI ppl would be up in arms. I posted back simply to say that I posted such nonsense on RISI all the time and that it was just me being me and trying to be funny and if the only person who was amused was "sparky himself" then fair do's but I wasn't offensive, wasn't homophobic or racist or detrimental to anyone in paticular or anything and didn't attack anyone's views, I just posted some silly posts to amuse and entertain. I also had a bit of a rant because I thought it a silly thing to get "angry" about.

And my argument is thus: innocent people are dying every day in Gazza, there are hundreds of homeless of people if not thousands in this country alone; in some countries children are dying from AIDS every day or drought or famine; there are countless wars going on across the globe that are all without exception unnessecary; cancer kills and devastates as many families as it has ever done despite wonderful and amazing scientific medical discoveries that have benefited our way of life to the better; more people are addicted to drugs than ever before in our lifetime; crime is on the increase and anti-social behaviour levels have increased. All these are things to get angry about. All these are things to rail against and get mad about. I haven't mentioned the current hostilities in Gazza on here yet because I didn't want to bring my Blog down and make it all political but this sort of occurrence really does upset me. It makes my blood boil and makes me want to cry that we can't all just get along and live with each other for fracks sake regardless of who is right and who is wrong- and if there must be conflict, why must thousands of innocent women and children pay the price? What sort of world do we live in where reports of more casualties in foreign lands now passes us by and just becomes another item in the news? It happens every day thats why and we become numb to it all; blinded by our own little insecurities and neurosies and by the sheer enormity of our own existance. And yet, these are the important things. These are what we should be getting mad about. Not a few irrevelant posts that have done no harm to anyone on a small thread on a forum no one even reads anyway. I didn't say I wanted all gays to be rounded up and shot ( I don't think that even if I don't approve of their lifestyle because each to their own and it is up to every individual how they choose to live their life because life is too short, too precious and we should cherish and make the most of every miniscule second.); I didn't say that I thought it wrong that Barrack Obama was voted president because he is black and black people should not hold positions of power because again, I don't think that- I firmly believe that peel back the skin and we are all human; we are all the same- we should be united by our shared humanity not seperated by our superficial differences. I just tried to lighten the mood, bring a little bit of humour to a world that actually is quite dark and depressing when you examine it closely enough and for me to do anything else would mean I wasn't being true to myself or what I believe in. I refuse to apologise for my actions or for me being me and I don't care if I offend anybody because I believe you should always be true to yourself and express yourself as you are not as how you would like to be percieved. I don't put on an act- this is me, Sparky, with no frills, no attempts at distraction from who I really am - THIS IS WHO I AM.

Of course, the end result is that this morning, trying to log onto the book networking site, I discover that my IP has been banned. No great loss and I don't blame the administrators because they obviously don't want their site to become another battleground. Fair do's to them. But at least I had my say before I was expelled. And so long as I can still go on RISI then everything's peachy. But I won't be criticised for not doing anything wrong. And I won't just sit and take it when someone tries to make out that I am a horrible person who has does wrong. Point the finger at someone else- there is plenty of other injustice in the world more worthy of your anger whoever you are.....XXX SparkyXXX

2 1/2 more days to go till on holiday......

Yes, thats right- from Monday 26th, I finally get my weeks holiday; postponed by 7 days so that I can travel up to Sheffield on Saturday 31st and meet some of my online friends. Turns out there will be 21 of us in total meeting at Meadowhall that saturday- I am a bit nervous about meeting some of them as I only really really know a few of the people going- but good news! My long-time friend Glynis whom I have known for yonks is going with her daughter Charis!! Always wanted to meet Glynis as we have always got on famously and she set up the online reading group, Babbling Books, which I am a member of and which is loads of fun! As I recall, she's around the same age as me and I am dead excited that she's gonna be there! What with my other two really good friends going , Sarah and Katey, I think it's going to be a cracking day and they all get to meet Mrs.Sparky and Emilie too after hearing so much about them!

Not been about much on here for few days because been a bit fracked off! HC had a word with me saturday just gone because, whilst he was away, he heard that the food had not been up to the same standards as he produces. Turns out, as it happens, that this was all about an incident I sort-of mentioned that occurred on the Tuesday before he came back when a customer wasn't happy- and with good reason I must add because we were kind of busy and I fracked his order up! It was a mistake, I was stressed and sometimes, without making excuses, mistakes do happen and it wasn't like what happened was a regular occurrence. Anyway, he didn't explain himself very well and it wasn't til later that I put two and two together and realised what he was talking about. It was just that one complaint, as far as I am aware, but it just so happens that HC often drinks with this guy after work and he is a resident who stays at the Hotel pretty regularly because of his business.

Know it shouldn't bother me, but it has kind of knocked my confidence a bit and kind of upset me; not least because I am better than that! Now I feel as though I have to prove myself to HC even though we have worked together on and off for years. Ithas really left me feeling pretty negative about myself and then I have a few money worries that don't help and both me and Mrs.Sparky had to have our cars M.O.T'ed so that used up some of the extra funds I got for working over xmas......it almost seems as though even though stuff like the mortgage go down, I still find other bills which need to be paid. Financially, it is a bit of a struggle at mo and am not sure what I am going to do about it. Problem is I don't think there is any quick-sort-it solution save winning the lottery and, after playing the same numbers all year last year every week and not winning a bean, I have not bothered this year buying a ticket even once!

Maybe I should but whats the point of spending extra money you don't have just to win feck all?!!? I am ebaying some stuff at mo so that might possibly help and need to write more reviews but apart from that, I just don't know.....gotta go, my daughter just woke up.....

Back as second-in-command...an update

Well HC was actually in a fairly good mood tonight which is surprising seeing as he has just come back from a week off to the chaos that currently is the Hotel. We had a quite good night, not too busy and things all went pretty smoothly. I got to spend most of the night faffing about making summer puddings, filling profiteroles...that sort of thing. A nice, calming evening after the last 10 days of mild and uncomplicated stress. I know things could have gone a lot worse whilst HC was away and I am sure I did a good job of keeping things together in his absence but it is nice to have him back and for me to regain my role as no#2!

Tomorrow we will see what tomorrow brings. We are doing a deal mon-sat, 12-6 every day, whereby we offer one course carvery for only £3.50. This is in competition with a small pub down the road that has been doing tremendous business. The offer has been running now for over a week and I think we have stolen some of our competitor's customers! Today, at least, whilst I was not there, we did a phenomenal amount of customers compared to our recent trade. It kind of helped that our competition were shut until 2!! Most of the people who would've gone to them, came to us instead. The only problem is that at £3.50 a head, we are not taking a lot of money even on drinks but the owners believe that more bums through the door at discount prices is better than fewer bums through the door at a higher price. They may have a point and we do have to drum up trade somehow in these difficult times but there is a real sense in the Kitchen of us working our arses off for little income or benefit. The good thing is that because the bill is less, more people are allegedly leaving tips. Whether this makes much of a difference, we will see at the end of the month.

And the owners have another little idea up their sleeve that begins next friday- I'll keep that close to my chest for now but will tell you more at a later date...

Oh and thank-you Dawn for your comment- it was read, acknowledged and taken on board and made a lot of sense. I too know I should look at the bigger picture (and it was a busy night!) and think about the customers who walked away happy and not the one who complained but one disappointed customer in my business is enough to ruin your night. It's not just me- I think it's a chef thing. But the more I think about it, the more I remember mistakes HC has made and some of the few times when customers have been unhappy with the food HE has produced which just goes to show that none of us are perfect and even my esteemed leader has his off-days. And that perhaps I shouldn't judge myself so harshly over one bad meal I might have served up out of all the other satisfying ones that day!

God, this is turning into a right introspective post isn't it! Time to call it a night methinks...

Sparky signing out......ciao bella!

I'll give you something to smile about....

Sparky's challenge...

Having recently returned to the forum on the book swapping site, READITSWAPIT, I found myself taking part in a challenge; namely to read the chick-lit novel Dreamworld of a shopaholic! One member suggested that for this year everyone should read one book they normally wouldn't pick up- and this was my paticular challenge. It was not my first experience of chick-lit, as one person who follows this Blog at least will be able to testify, but it was at least more enjoyable than my last attempt at the genre!

A full review is available here on DOOYOO; http://members.dooyoo.co.uk/printed-books/secret-dreamworld-of-a-shopaholic-the-sophie-kinsella/1182689/ but needless to say I actually found myself quite enjoying reading it in the end and, because it was short and a very easy read, it only took two days to get through. Now someone very naughty has changed my challenge to read ALL the shopaholic books but to be fair, I'm not sure I mind as this first installment actually had me chuckling out loud in places! Must be sure not to read the others where anyone other than Mrs.Sparky can see me though or people might question my sexuality!!!

Head Chef is back and my first day back at work with him begins at 4pm today.....we will see what he has to say about some of the changes that are happening but I don't think he will be happy. My week covering his absence was largely unremarkable though I did have a bit of a nasty night on tuesday and made a couple of mistakes and had one person complain about their meal. That really annoys me when that happens and I kind of beat myself up over it and take it pretty personally but in retrospect if that was the only night that anything went wrong then I suppose that means it hasn't been a bad week. It's not like people complain all the time about my food and I guess I have to treat this instance as a one-off blip and not a personal failure. Still, I am not happy that one of my customers was unsatisfied and that I disappointed them and DO take it very badly in myself. Sometimes my job really gets me down and I am not sure if I want to keep doing this shit anymore but it was one of the few things I can do and writing reviews is never gonna pay the bills. I wonder if perhaps I should have chosen a different career- maybe tried to be a journalist or something as I do enjoy writing but I live my life with no regrets. If I changed anything I had done in my life I would not have Mrs.Sparky and I would not have Emilie. It was a fortuious chain of events that was put into motion so that we couldf meet and be together and to change anything would be to stand in the way of Fate and who knows? I might not have been happy by now doing that either. I might've become a lonely alcoholic wondering what might have happened if I had decided to become a chef....

Thats the thing about life- you never know what to expect and that in itself is a challenge.....

Riding on the rollercoaster of Life......

Well the weeks nearly over and it's been one of ups and downs but everything seems to have gone okay in the Head Chef's absence. The owner was in the other day having a moan about all sorts of things, most of which weren't nessecary but I have come to expect that at least once when the Head Chef is on holiday. He had a point about one thing which wasn't entirely my fault and was the responsibility of the chef I was working with at the time but because I am in charge I still got it in the neck anyway. I suppose being acting Head Honcho, those are just the breaks but that one thing was the catalyst that got the ball rolling on lots of other little things that I won't go into here because I had enough of it the other day right down my lug-hole!!! Yesterday, on my half day off, I had a stinking headache that wouldn't shift and I am sure that was due to the stress from the day before......see thats the problem with my job; even in my down-time, the pressures that come as part of the package have a tendency to follow me over into my "real-life". Thank god for Xbox!!!

I'm playing this older game called Condemned: Criminal Origins at the moment and you play the part of a Detective hunting a serial killer so, as well as getting to utilise forensic equipment to find clues, you also end up stalking your prey through abandoned buildings and sewers which are home to junkies and freaks that you have to taser before smashing their skulls in with a fire axe, sledge hammer, crowbar.....basically pick your weapon from what you see lying around.....it's not very pleasent but it is a lot of fun, really scary when you play it with the lights off and strangely somewhat satisfying after a hard days work.

Fortunately this has been a week of more highs than lows. Y'know how sometimes when you mention someone, it's like you almost summon them and they turn up like the next day or something? Well, remember the colleague I mentioned in a previous post who used to say "tense...so very tense" ? Well, he found me on Facebook coincidentally enough just the other day shortly after I'd mentioned him and requested to be my friend. I accepted him and we had a little online chat but it'll be interesting to see how much we stay in touch. The really good thing that happened to me this week is that a group of my online friends from the book-swapping forum RISI are all getting together again in Sheffield at the end of the month. We did that a couple of years ago and I quite enjoyed it- especially meeting Smiler for the first time with whom I am really good pals on-line, a girl named Kate who's really nice and who now has a son who's a few months younger than Emilie and of course Ronnie who struck me as being a very warm and genuine person and actually quite funny in real-life. I think we got on pretty well when we talked so will be good to see her again. All in all I think there are about five people going whom I met before along with a load others whom I have only ever talked to on-line. I'm quite excited about it as I am taking Mrs.Sparky and Emilie along with me for the day and can't wait to show off my daughter to them all as I know they will adore her! We're meeting in the big mall there called Meadowhall- it's a bit of a trek from down South where I live and I think I need my passport to go that far North (JOKE!!) but think it will be a great day out for me and family. Mrs.Sparky showed some reservations last night when she asked "you won't just be talking about books, will you?" but I'm sure with her along we will find other things to talk about and she can always go off and look around the mall if she gets bored while all of us catch up! I know my mate Smiler is really excited about me coming along as I have only just found out about it and said I'd go and my friend Kate will be made up to meet Emilie whom she jokingly calls her future daughter-in-law. (Well I think she's joking- lol!)

Luckily I had some holiday booked around that time as I have had a few saturdays off recently and wouldn't have seen me getting any more off. I had actually booked the week before off but I talked to Martin who had the week after me booked and we agreed to swap- he's happy as he gets his week off a bit earlier and I'm happy because now I actually have something to look forward to. It almost makes all the shit worthwhile so..... bring it on bitch! Throw whatever you got at me cos in two more weeks I is on holiday innit guv!

And if the Hotel burns down whilst I'm away, I won't be shedding that many tears....

Oh yeah, nearly forgot- going to my brother-in-law's wedding today at Sprowston Manor. Only met him a couple of times but could be a good day out and Sprowston's supposed to be a nice hotel though I have never been there....be interesting to see what some of our competition is like!

ciao for now.....

Sparky xxxx

Taste the milk of human kindness.....I think it might have curdled!

With the Head Chef off now for his annual weeks holiday after christmas (mine comes in a couple of weeks), I am currently in charge in the Kitchen at the hotel. That means that although I get to assert my authority, it also puts me under an incy bit of pressure.As an old colleague of ours used to say "Tense....so very, very tense." Mind he was a bit of a 50p! (In our Kitchen we are not allowed to say certain swear words such as C***, f+++, or s^^^ or else we are fined 50p which goes in a tin- the proceeds of which are divided up between the chefs at the end of the old year or the beginning of the new one. Hence the expression- he's a right 50p!!)

Ultimately for the next seven days the buck stops with me. Thankfully it's fairly quiet in this wind-down period though thats a double-edged sword! On one hand, it's a blessing because it means I have less things to stress about but on the other, it's a curse because when trade is quiet it is no good for anyone in the industry. We have already had one supplier go to the wall and now, at the end of the month, another is following suit. Thats two of our suppliers in three weeks who have gone up the proverbial swanney....

Which brings me to the title of my latest entry. On Sunday, one of the young part-time waitresses (we'll call her E) had an ickle accident. She was carrying a heavily laden tray and fell backwards. Nobody wanted to move her as she complained of pain in her shoulders and lower back so paramedics were called. Rather than being concerned, one of the other waitresses (whom I get on well with and I'll call J) instead just said "Well it was her own fault, I told her not to carry so much on one tray!" Oh well done you for caring...not!

I stayed out of the way because there were enough people fussing around E including a senior manager of our company who goes around like she's the Queen of Sheba or something. I've met her type before and it don't impress me much! Anyway, she came over being all patronising and, what to me, looked falsely sympathetic and I couldn't help feeling if I was injured, hers would probably be the last face I'd want to see! Still I suppose at least she was pretending to show some concern and, who knows, she might even of been genuine. It's just she has this smarmy way about her that I have never entirely trusted...

That was Sunday, then today I heard some of the function waitresses discussing what had happened. One of the girls (who, thanks to the afore mentioned Martin Abernathy, we collectively call the "dinner ladies") repeated what J had said the day before about it being E's own fault and I thought to myself "you weren't even there, how do YOU know what actually happened?" There was no "oh, I hope she's alright" or nothing just it was her own fault! Honestly those dinner ladies are like the witches in Macbeth, they really are. And I was very disappointed in J of whom I had thought better.

I quite like E; she's not much to look at and a quiet girl but she's very pleasant and always cheerful. I prefer her to some of the other part-time waitreses such as S who goes around with two chunky chips on each of her shoulders and a great big attitude....All of the part-timers are still at school so come with a goverment health warning (I believe the term is jail-bait) and, as you can imagine, the area of the Kitchen where they sometimes hang-out when it's quiet can be a bit like a school playground but E is perhaps the nicest of the lot and quite pretty I suppose in her own way. At the least, she is the only one of them who appears genuine.

This whole Blog thing is taking over my life at the mo- I even found myself making notes today in my split shift to help sketch my thoughts on here later. Must remember not to neglect DOOYOO and write some more reviews- after all, they pay money and this doesn't but I am enjoying it for now till I get bored and move onto something else....

see you laters alligators.... love Sparkyxxx

'Aint misbehavin'

So saturday night we shipped the little one off to the grandparents and me and Mrs.Sparky actually went out for the night!! It was her uncle's sixtieth birthday party at a small village hall out in the sticks somewhere and there was a free bar!! Sounded like it might have been a drag at first but actually it ended up being alright.

Of course Sparky had a few sherberts and got a little puddled and, as Sparky is known to, made "a bit of a tit" of myself to quote the wife. I think I had seven or eight cans of Kronenbourg between half seven and around midnightish but the counting may be a little off as when they went to clear up later that night, there were a couple of three cans still half full. Methinks I got up to get fresh beers when I mistakenly thought I was getting close to the bottom of the cans and then forgot about them and just carried on drinking the new beers instead.....either that or I abandoned them as they started to get a little warm. If theres one thing I can't stand, it's a warm beer....all I'll say it was a good job I didn't start on the Vodka....

Some of my naughty antics included wiping my wet hands on Mrs.Sparky after coming out of the toilet (AND YES I DID WASH THEM-THATS THE ONLY REASON WHY THEY WERE WET), continually trying to kiss her (I get a bit lovey-dovey when I'm drunk) and eating a whole bowl of twiglets in one mouthful. Not something I would recommend as they are very dry. The only thing I've done which was worse was try to eat a teaspoon of cinnamon this one time- not a good idea, look it up on YOUTUBE before you try that one!! I also tried to eat 18 pringles in one go on saturday night as a follow-up to a stunt I pulled the week before at a party at the mother-in-laws. My brother-in-law's new girlfriend had told us her sister could fit 17 pringles in her mouth at once so I tried to fit 20 in mine. Result- lots of crisp crumbs and Sparky nearly choking (I was sober that time) which is why this time around I only tried 18!! Needless to say- don't try this at home either....

There were a couple of singers at the party- one camp, chubby bloke and an oriental girl who called herself Vannessa Mae. Cue Sparky mentioning several times to different people that she should get her violin out. Yes, I can be very annoying when I'm a little under the influence- god knows how Mrs.Sparky puts up with me- thank god I don't drink too often. I once embarrassed her late one night in the middle of Norwich when I was a bit drunk by shouting out at the top of my voice that I loved her as she waited at the bus stop for the last bus.....are you seeing a recurring pattern here....pmsl

Mind, she couldn't have been too mad at me and my behaviour because she ran me into work the next day when she went to pick up the little one from my 'rents.

I am a tad worried about my recurring habit of sticking my finger up in pictures taken of me when I am a little puddled though. Its becoming a bit of a trademark in photos of me- at this rate, I'm not gonna be able to show Emilie any pictures of me till she's much older as they will all be rude lol! I was brought up so much better than that honest.....wasn't I mum? Mum....mum....

(cue the sound of Sparky being disowned...lol)

How to make friends and influence people.....

Well have finally made an effort after a brief hiatus from my online life and got back in touch with a few people I used to talk to when I lived on the computer and, more specifically, on a book swapping forum called RISI. The forum has changed a little and doesn't seem as fun as it once was but there are a few select people on there I used to enjoy taking to so decided to take some time, advertise my Blog over there and just update my friends there on what I had been up to (not a lot) and that all was well.

It must have paid off as several people have said now that they will be checking out this Blog and now I have a few followers....which is nice. No but seriously, I do appreciate it you guys- you know who you are.

It was good to get back in touch with the friend for whom this Blog is named (miss muppet) as I have really missed talking to her now that I don't speak to one of my other friends, Smiler, as much as we once did. We're still best buddies, me and Smiler, it's just that life sometimes takes over and I know no matter how long it is between chats that we are always gonna be good friends. I'm also kinda missing a real-life friend of mine, Nush, who moved to Sheffield last year and whom I really used to get on with. We spoke NYE and I got the impression she half wishes she was still down here in Norfolk but she moved away because of her fella's job with F1 and sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. She starts IVF on Monday so am wishing her happy thoughts- must tell her about this Blog......made me think, we are going to have to chat more often- sometimes I am terrible at keeping in touch with people but think that must be a guy thing. Also need to phone my best man from my wedding as haven't spoken to him since September at Emilie's birthday party. See- told you I was bad at communicating...

Anyway, all this has made me think: You should treasure your friends and the people close to you in life as they are very important people and very special if they can think highly of you enough to care what you are up to. Talking to the people I have mentioned again has left a warm, fuzzy feeling inside and you can't put a price on that. And if you could, you probably couldn't afford it.

Sparkles xxxxx

Crappy New Year Everybody......

Well 2009 has arrived and all I can say is thank frack that Xmas is all over and all that jazz along with it.....grud I hate this time of year. It's such a hypocritical holiday-Jesus wasn't even born in December anyway and another thing I recently learnt was that a couple of hundred years before the gospels in the bible were written (which have been heavily edited over the centuries by the Catholic church by the way), the Persians celebrated the life of somebody called Mithras whose birth in the winter months was presided over by wisemen and who is alleged to have died and come back to life. Sound familiar? Makes you wonder, does it not, how much of what we are told to believe in is true and how much of it has been nabbed from earlier, much older religions......it's not like Christmas is about Jesus anymore anyway- now it has all become about who can spend the most money and, this year with the credit crunch, who can save the most in the sales....

If it hadn't been for the arrival of my daughter, I think I would've given up on the whole spirit of Christmas by now. This year, me and the wife weren't going to buy each other presents just get a little something for each other from Emilie. The wife actually went out and got me some chocolate covered coffee beans in the end because she knew I had been moaning about not being able to find any and they are one of my special treats but the intention was there. For me Christmas came and went with very little notice - it just felt like any other paticulary busy time at the hotel and by the time the actual day arrived, it didn't at all feel like Christmas day to me....I kinda feel like maybe thats why I'm so pessimistic about the whole thing- everyone else gets to enjoy this time but for us in the Hotel trade (not just chefs) it might as well be any other time of year. I guess thats why I'm so jaded about the whole thing...

Anyway, have I made any resolutions for the new year? Have I frack!

Actually the only one I have made is the same one I make every year- I am going to try and be more tolerant of others and be a better person. Still I say that every year and it never really lasts so in that way I am just like the rest of the population. Mind, c c c c since reading Wild Swans, Peking and Mao; The untold story recently all about the atrocities and horror that occurred during the years of China's cultural revolution, I have I think developed more a sense of the world at large and how much goes on that, until now, I had barely been aware of. Reading these books has also put my own life a little in perspective and made me realise that there are bigger, more important things happening all across the world even as I type this than what goes on in my small and often insignificant life.

#I have also vowed to think a bit more before I speak sometimes but it will be interesting to see if I can keep that up as I am kind of known offline for being quite outspoken. Some of it is said for effect but at least half of it is meant sometimes as well. I get away with it 99 times out of 10 because often people don't realise I am being serious and treat it just as my humour but often my jokes hide a measure of seriousness behind them too- just very thinly veiled.#

Heres a rather disturbing joke I heard the other day that has the potential to be a bit offensive but which I rather enjoyed: A man is walking into the woods one night with his girlfriend. "I'm scared of the dark..." she says. "Its alright for you," says the man, "I've got to walk back on my own..."

That joke comes courtesy of Martin Abernathy, whom I work with......sometimes I worry about some of the people I am in close proximity to.....