If you go down to The Woods today....

Well, it is over a month since last Blogged so thought I had better get my arse in gear and update everyone who reads this ~ and there are more of you than I could have imagined as I am discovering that more and more people I know are reading this which is only a good thing. Work has not changed that much of late ~ a new chef due to start didn't turn up last week but we have got a couple of Kitchen Porters just starting; one of whom is a Geordie and very good so far in that he helps with veg prep and carving when we need him too and puts his colleagues to shame with how swiftly he gets things done in comparison! His name is Ed and every time I talk to him, I find myself developing a Geordie accent in my head! Sunday just gone, I worked my arse off with a thirteen hour non-stop shift in chronic heat and felt absolutely knackered monday and tuesday even though monday was very, very quiet. By tuesday night, I felt as though my feet were going to kill me they hurt so much! I am not sure how much longer I can keep doing this but there is nothing else about at minute and believe me I am trying. The Agencies I joined have sent my C.V to a few places apparently but they are about having as much result as a chocolate teapot!

Wednesday, decided to go to beach and thought I would visit Sheringham as went to Cromer a few weeks ago with just me and Emilie (Mrs.Sparky works wednesdays) and we had a great time building sand castles etc...unfortunately, after spending some time in town, we got down to beach to find there is no sand at Sheringham- it is all stones! Looks like they have been put there artifically as a sea barrier kind of thing but sure it was not always like that! Mind~ though I have been to Sheringham a few times over last couple of years, I have not really been down to their beach since I was ickle. By that time it was too late to move over to nearby Cromer and still get back in time for Emilie's tea so found a sandy kids play area and we played in that for a while instead! Still not the same!

Thursday, yesterday, 13 of us went to Legoland in Windsor. Pictures will be on FB soon and will post a few on here also! It was amazing but a very expensive day out even though we only paid half price for the tickets thanx to Mrs.Sparky's best friend who works for a well known burger chain and got us vouchers from their most recent promotion! There were only three kids ~ Emilie and Mrs.Sparky's best friend's two boys ~ and the rest of us were all grown-ups. It was a lot of fun and I even went on several rides which is unlike me! There was a log flume ~ which we went on twice because the first time it broke down while we were on it and we had to abandon~ a pirate ship, spinning tea-cups which left us very dizzy and giddy and a water barrel ride that spun you along some rapids and which gave me very wet feet and a wet arse! We took a picnic with us but they did this good thing with the drinks where if you bought a refillable cup for £4.90 then you got free soft drink refills all day which worked out very well!!

I think Emilie enjoyed it though it was a long day for her (and all of us) and we brought her back some Duplo which she has been playing with today. Bex (Mrs.Sparky's friend) suggested we do something similar again if we can get vouchers for somewhere else as we are all off thursdays who went yesterday so works out alright! That would be great as yesterday was a phenomenal day that really was just simply excellent!

The worst bit was the journey home ~ we got stuck in traffic coming out of Windsor, then stopped to feed Emilie and get some tea ourselves and so didn't get home till gone eleven. Nearly had an incident with the car too as once we reached Swaffham, I kind of switched off a bit thinking I know the way from here to home and ended up going wrong way cos not paying attention. Found myself on an unfamiliar road and Sat Nav told me to turn round and go back. Unfortunately in the dark and not knowing where I was, I didn't realise we were on a dual bit of road- luckily there was no harm done apart from a scare for Mrs.Sparky but it goes to show why you have to be a bit savvy with Sat Nav! I always took the piss out of these people who drove over cliffs because the Sat Nav directed them that way but in the dark and confused as I was, I nearly did a similar thing!! If the Sat-Nav hadn't told me to turn around, I would've kept driving till I found a way of turning back- it's no excuse but I was tired and had a long day so followed the Sat Nav blindly! Won't make that mistake again ~ that Sat nav is proving to be less than reliable on a few occassions now- it gets you where you want to go but sometimes tells you to take second exit at a roundabout when at a t-junction just as an example or tells you to stay left when it means take the slip-road on left off the motorway/ carriageway! It is often slightly less than clear at times but Mrs.Sparky paid for it so it's her loss!

Right, next thing I need to do is write a letter to my mate Sarah but will probs do that next week! Have not got that much to say because most of it is here and I know she reads this so don't need to repeat myself but it is sooo nice to recieve a hand written letter in the post and I sooo love it WHEN she writes to me so least I can do is return the favour. She'll need to text me her new address first though as she is moving to Leeds from Hull to start her new life training as some kind of social worker type. I think it will do her a whole heap of good and it must be very rewarding to think that you will be helping others and bettering their lives so hope she gets a lot out of it! GOOD LUCK SARAH!

Right that really is it now- will try not to leave it so long next time...laters ~ I will try not to be a stranger! SPARKYxxxxx
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Highs and lows and roundabouts....

Not much going on in my life at mo- just feeling the usual feelings of apathy about my job which I shall not bore you with right now. Went for an interview at a recruitment agency the other day to see if they had any jobs going but the only one suitable was at a small Australian-themed restaurant/pub which I worked at a few years ago and hated. The reason- because I had to work similar hours there to the ones I have started to do at The Hotel now...history repeating itself~ just a little bit methinks!

Something that has cheered me up is finding someone on Facebook whom I used to work with and got on really well with at a previous job I had at a small hotel in Swaffham. She was a waitress, is about 19 now I think and her name is Sophie. Her and her twin brother Daniel started at the hotel a little while before I left and I always had a bit of a soft spot for her because she was always bubbly and friendly and, together with my other friends there- Danny, Nush and Katie, we always had a bit of a laugh! When me and Nush both left, I kind of lost contact a bit with the people I worked with there though I do still very occasionally talk to Danny by text, so it was nice for Sophie to accept my friend request when I spotted her on Danny's FB page. She sounds a bit fed up where she is, still at the same hotel though her brother has since moved on, so at least it's not just me who's a bit naffed off with work at mo. We had a bit of a chat a couple of days ago and it was good to catch up again and I look forward to keeping in touch.

Also got a chance to chat with my good friend Sarah on FB and it was good to talk to her too as we don't get much chance to touch base now as much as we used to ~ mainly because both our lives are soo busy at mo. She is changing her path in life and going to Uni to train to be a social-worker and I am always working all the hours god sends. But that's okay because when we do chat, that just makes our conversations all that more special.

Am slowly coming to terms with the fact that instead of belittling what I do and how little I time I get to spend with my daughter, I should be grateful for the time I do get to spend with her and make more the most of time spent with her and Mrs.Sparky. Also that I am fortunate to have some really good friends, Sophie, Sarah,Nush,Kate and Glynis among them, and that I should be grateful to be blessed with their friendship. There is just as much, if not more, in my life that is positive than there is that is negative and I should really not be spending the free time I do get stressing out but should instead be Carpe Diem; Seizing The Day. Easier said than done but if I can work on that then I think I will be happier in myself.

Of course I am still going to keep 'em peeled for another job but I am wondering if it is just me getting itchy feet again like I do every so often. Sarah, the other day, told me that I think too much and she is right- I should concentrate as much on living life as I do psycho-analyzing it as nobody knows how much time we have left and, like an egg-timer, who knows how quickly the sand is running through the glass. It is like the proverb, I forget it's origin, about the man who worried all his life away about everything and anything and then when he died he complained to Death that he hadn't had a chance to live his life. "Aaah," replied Death, "if you had gotten on with your life instead of worrying about when it would end, then you would've had a long and prosperous existance instead all your posturing has tired out your soul all the quicker!" "Can't I go back?" asks the man, "Knowing what I know now?"
"No," replies Death, "You had your chance!"

Click...off...gone!

So, been a while since I last Blogged and just thought I had better check in briefly in passing and just show my Cyberface. HC is on holiday again for a week so am having to work 6 days at 12 hours each day- sometimes without a single break!! Whoever said it was easy being a chef needs shooting. Still, am getting to make lots of nice desserts such as Lemon Possett which I had seen done but never made myself before but is dead easy and rather refreshing. Basicallly all you need to do is heat some double or whipping cream to just before boiling with sugar and lemon zest, add lemon juice then pour into glasses through a strainer to remove zest (or leave that in) and cover with clingfilm and put in fridge to set. Takes about 2 hours to set but thats it! Job done- an easy, simple and rather nice dessert!! Who would have thought it was that easy- not me! Thats why I didn't believe my recipe book and went on the Internet to double check!

Actually it's not too bad being in charge this time and am actually quite enjoying it. Martin Abernathy is leaving our kitchen but there is a new guy called Simon sposed to be starting next wednesday. We had one new chef start yesterday too but today he came in, supposedly threw up and had to go home! Good start seeing as it was only his second day on the job! Actually I think he was a bit of a pussy because he looked done in yesterday after doing a 10 1/2 hour straight shift whilst to us (me and Martin) it is just another day. At the moment, life in our kitchen certainly sorts out the men from the boys!

This guy who started yesterday knows a couple of ppl I used to work with- my mate Nush who went to Sheffield and my other mate from The George in Swaffham- Katey. Talking of my mate Nush, she has been trying for baby and has resorted to IVF but because of recession and being made redundant, has had to put things on hold until next year. Feel really bad for her as she would make a great mum but just goes to show how this current climate affects everybody in different but no less important ways. Also makes me appreciate how much my daughter means to me and how lucky I am to have her- even if she is very precocious and developing a real stubborn streak to her personality. Bless her...

Whoever thought I would ever be bossed around by a 19 month old......lol!

This is Sparky going click...off...gone in true Sleeper fashion. Now there was a band Sleeper.... whatever happened to Louise and the band I wonder? Must google it and find out....

Feeling a little frakked off....

So yesterday was not a very nice day-really busy which is a good thing but really relentless. Mrs.Sparky goes to her mums on a saturday and I like to try and get over there on my split shift to see her and Emilie but I didn't get over there yesterday because it wasn't worth it in the time I had, so spent my break in the grotty staffroom reading my book! That kinda annoyed me but then I find out by accident that the Third Chef is leaving; not that that nesecarily bothers me too much, am never really sure how I get on with him sometimes or what he thinks of me, but surely as Sous Chef I oughta be told outright? I only found out because someone made a comment as an aside so that pissed me off as well.

Got home last night and watched CLOVERFIELD again- what an awesome movie. Last time I watched it on the internet so quality wasn't excellent but it is sooo much better on genuine DVD!!!! Very scary even though I had seen it before and I love the way you only ever get glimpses at the creature. For those who have been living in a cave the last year, the film is about 90 minutes long and is home camera footage of what happens when some creature emerges from the depths of the ocean and proceeds to lay waste to Manhattan. It is very tense and symbolic of what it must have been like during 9/11 with lots of people running panicked through the streets, people looting stores and genuinely terrified as they try to fathom out what the smeg is going on. If you haven't seen it you really should.

Just got a message a minute ago from Kate which she sent me last night but which I never got because I had my phone off. (something my other mate Sarah can NEVER understand- I mean just IMAGINE turning your phone off!) It just said she was so drunk and made me chuckle. I like that I get texts like this because it shows that even though we live miles apart, certain people still care enough about you to send you drunken texts! lol! Seriously though, it's nice that we are like proper friends and everything and it cheers me up when I have had a shitty day like yesterday....makes me realise what is more important in life- the bonds we form with our closest friends and the people we love- than just some crummy job!

Quite honestly, frak them! If they don't want to tell me things at work then they can get fucked. It's just a job and to hell and back with the lot of them.....

Sayanora for now from Sparky xxxx

A beautiful end to a relaxing holiday....

Yesterday I travelled to Meadowhall in Sheffield to meet some of the people I talk to on the readitswapit forums with Mrs.Sparky and daughter Emilie. It was a great day, though it took 3 hours each way to get there, and got to spend some quality time with some really amazing friends that I have made who are among of the most beautiful people in my life. I finally got to meet a dear friend, Glynis whom I have spoken to for ages online and who is the driving force behind the online bookgroup, Babbling Books. It was as though we already knew each other and she was just as I expected her to be and every bit as genuine and friendly in real-life as she is online. She's had a bad start to the year but, like I told her, that just means the rest of the year can only get better! I was also able to catch up with Kate, whose son is three months younger than Emilie and whom we alays joke that Emilie is going to marry when she is older, and my best freind Sarah, whom I absolutely love to bits despite the fact that she always gives me so much stick! We have this great relationship, all four of us, and it was soo great that they could finally meet Mrs.Sparky and that Sarah could get a cuddle with Emilie at last!! It was a really good day though I wasn't that impressed by La Tasca where we ate. There were 21 of us in total yesterday who went to Sheffield to get together and my only criticism was that was a few too many people as I never really got a chance to mingle with any new faces and spent the whole time just catching up with my three bestest friends in all the world! I actually felt quite sad when it was time to go, its been two years since I saw Katie and Sarah last but we have promised each other to not leave it that long before we see each other again! And I really want to see Glynis again too as she is an amazing person- I cannot get over how well we thought we knew each other already!

We did an anonymous bookswap via a lucky dip between everyone who was there and I got this really emotional tear-jerker of a book about an 11 year old boy dying from lukemia that was actually a much better read than it sounds and was a truly remarkable book! Started it last night when I got in and finished it this morning and I had tears down my face by the end. Truly made me appreciate the fact that my daughter has her health and made me want to pick her up and give her a big hug! It is told from the viewpoint of the boy who is dying and is very well written given the subject matter. The book is called WAYS TO LIVE FOREVER BY SALLY NICHOLLS and I would fully reccommend it to anyone! Especially if you liked THE CURIOUS INCIDENT OF THE DOG IN THE NIGHT-TIME BY MARK HADDON which was all about Aspergers syndrome! Nicholls' book is written very much in the same vein.

Overall this has been a nice relaxing week off- monday I took Emilie swimming and the rest of the week has just flown by. I'm really sad that yesterday has come and gone and that tomorrow I will be back at stress-filled work but that is tomorrow! For today, we have a 30th birthday party to go to later so that should be fun! We have done so much together this year already, me and Mrs.Sparky, and we have more to look forward to later as well as we are going away for a wedding in May and spending a week in a cottage with her mum and brother. I think I must be making up for a lacking social life last year as, what with Mrs.Sparky's uncle's sixtieth party, her step-brother's wedding, her mum's xmas party and then this week Sheffield and her best friend's party, there have been very few weekends so far where we have not been doing anything!! I had forgotten what it had been like to be social.....

All for now, will speak to you soon- probably more stessed as I will be back at work! Still, at least I have a job which is more than can be said for some people in this tough economic climate!

Sparkyxxx

2 1/2 more days to go till on holiday......

Yes, thats right- from Monday 26th, I finally get my weeks holiday; postponed by 7 days so that I can travel up to Sheffield on Saturday 31st and meet some of my online friends. Turns out there will be 21 of us in total meeting at Meadowhall that saturday- I am a bit nervous about meeting some of them as I only really really know a few of the people going- but good news! My long-time friend Glynis whom I have known for yonks is going with her daughter Charis!! Always wanted to meet Glynis as we have always got on famously and she set up the online reading group, Babbling Books, which I am a member of and which is loads of fun! As I recall, she's around the same age as me and I am dead excited that she's gonna be there! What with my other two really good friends going , Sarah and Katey, I think it's going to be a cracking day and they all get to meet Mrs.Sparky and Emilie too after hearing so much about them!

Not been about much on here for few days because been a bit fracked off! HC had a word with me saturday just gone because, whilst he was away, he heard that the food had not been up to the same standards as he produces. Turns out, as it happens, that this was all about an incident I sort-of mentioned that occurred on the Tuesday before he came back when a customer wasn't happy- and with good reason I must add because we were kind of busy and I fracked his order up! It was a mistake, I was stressed and sometimes, without making excuses, mistakes do happen and it wasn't like what happened was a regular occurrence. Anyway, he didn't explain himself very well and it wasn't til later that I put two and two together and realised what he was talking about. It was just that one complaint, as far as I am aware, but it just so happens that HC often drinks with this guy after work and he is a resident who stays at the Hotel pretty regularly because of his business.

Know it shouldn't bother me, but it has kind of knocked my confidence a bit and kind of upset me; not least because I am better than that! Now I feel as though I have to prove myself to HC even though we have worked together on and off for years. Ithas really left me feeling pretty negative about myself and then I have a few money worries that don't help and both me and Mrs.Sparky had to have our cars M.O.T'ed so that used up some of the extra funds I got for working over xmas......it almost seems as though even though stuff like the mortgage go down, I still find other bills which need to be paid. Financially, it is a bit of a struggle at mo and am not sure what I am going to do about it. Problem is I don't think there is any quick-sort-it solution save winning the lottery and, after playing the same numbers all year last year every week and not winning a bean, I have not bothered this year buying a ticket even once!

Maybe I should but whats the point of spending extra money you don't have just to win feck all?!!? I am ebaying some stuff at mo so that might possibly help and need to write more reviews but apart from that, I just don't know.....gotta go, my daughter just woke up.....

Riding on the rollercoaster of Life......

Well the weeks nearly over and it's been one of ups and downs but everything seems to have gone okay in the Head Chef's absence. The owner was in the other day having a moan about all sorts of things, most of which weren't nessecary but I have come to expect that at least once when the Head Chef is on holiday. He had a point about one thing which wasn't entirely my fault and was the responsibility of the chef I was working with at the time but because I am in charge I still got it in the neck anyway. I suppose being acting Head Honcho, those are just the breaks but that one thing was the catalyst that got the ball rolling on lots of other little things that I won't go into here because I had enough of it the other day right down my lug-hole!!! Yesterday, on my half day off, I had a stinking headache that wouldn't shift and I am sure that was due to the stress from the day before......see thats the problem with my job; even in my down-time, the pressures that come as part of the package have a tendency to follow me over into my "real-life". Thank god for Xbox!!!

I'm playing this older game called Condemned: Criminal Origins at the moment and you play the part of a Detective hunting a serial killer so, as well as getting to utilise forensic equipment to find clues, you also end up stalking your prey through abandoned buildings and sewers which are home to junkies and freaks that you have to taser before smashing their skulls in with a fire axe, sledge hammer, crowbar.....basically pick your weapon from what you see lying around.....it's not very pleasent but it is a lot of fun, really scary when you play it with the lights off and strangely somewhat satisfying after a hard days work.

Fortunately this has been a week of more highs than lows. Y'know how sometimes when you mention someone, it's like you almost summon them and they turn up like the next day or something? Well, remember the colleague I mentioned in a previous post who used to say "tense...so very tense" ? Well, he found me on Facebook coincidentally enough just the other day shortly after I'd mentioned him and requested to be my friend. I accepted him and we had a little online chat but it'll be interesting to see how much we stay in touch. The really good thing that happened to me this week is that a group of my online friends from the book-swapping forum RISI are all getting together again in Sheffield at the end of the month. We did that a couple of years ago and I quite enjoyed it- especially meeting Smiler for the first time with whom I am really good pals on-line, a girl named Kate who's really nice and who now has a son who's a few months younger than Emilie and of course Ronnie who struck me as being a very warm and genuine person and actually quite funny in real-life. I think we got on pretty well when we talked so will be good to see her again. All in all I think there are about five people going whom I met before along with a load others whom I have only ever talked to on-line. I'm quite excited about it as I am taking Mrs.Sparky and Emilie along with me for the day and can't wait to show off my daughter to them all as I know they will adore her! We're meeting in the big mall there called Meadowhall- it's a bit of a trek from down South where I live and I think I need my passport to go that far North (JOKE!!) but think it will be a great day out for me and family. Mrs.Sparky showed some reservations last night when she asked "you won't just be talking about books, will you?" but I'm sure with her along we will find other things to talk about and she can always go off and look around the mall if she gets bored while all of us catch up! I know my mate Smiler is really excited about me coming along as I have only just found out about it and said I'd go and my friend Kate will be made up to meet Emilie whom she jokingly calls her future daughter-in-law. (Well I think she's joking- lol!)

Luckily I had some holiday booked around that time as I have had a few saturdays off recently and wouldn't have seen me getting any more off. I had actually booked the week before off but I talked to Martin who had the week after me booked and we agreed to swap- he's happy as he gets his week off a bit earlier and I'm happy because now I actually have something to look forward to. It almost makes all the shit worthwhile so..... bring it on bitch! Throw whatever you got at me cos in two more weeks I is on holiday innit guv!

And if the Hotel burns down whilst I'm away, I won't be shedding that many tears....

Oh yeah, nearly forgot- going to my brother-in-law's wedding today at Sprowston Manor. Only met him a couple of times but could be a good day out and Sprowston's supposed to be a nice hotel though I have never been there....be interesting to see what some of our competition is like!

ciao for now.....

Sparky xxxx

'Aint misbehavin'

So saturday night we shipped the little one off to the grandparents and me and Mrs.Sparky actually went out for the night!! It was her uncle's sixtieth birthday party at a small village hall out in the sticks somewhere and there was a free bar!! Sounded like it might have been a drag at first but actually it ended up being alright.

Of course Sparky had a few sherberts and got a little puddled and, as Sparky is known to, made "a bit of a tit" of myself to quote the wife. I think I had seven or eight cans of Kronenbourg between half seven and around midnightish but the counting may be a little off as when they went to clear up later that night, there were a couple of three cans still half full. Methinks I got up to get fresh beers when I mistakenly thought I was getting close to the bottom of the cans and then forgot about them and just carried on drinking the new beers instead.....either that or I abandoned them as they started to get a little warm. If theres one thing I can't stand, it's a warm beer....all I'll say it was a good job I didn't start on the Vodka....

Some of my naughty antics included wiping my wet hands on Mrs.Sparky after coming out of the toilet (AND YES I DID WASH THEM-THATS THE ONLY REASON WHY THEY WERE WET), continually trying to kiss her (I get a bit lovey-dovey when I'm drunk) and eating a whole bowl of twiglets in one mouthful. Not something I would recommend as they are very dry. The only thing I've done which was worse was try to eat a teaspoon of cinnamon this one time- not a good idea, look it up on YOUTUBE before you try that one!! I also tried to eat 18 pringles in one go on saturday night as a follow-up to a stunt I pulled the week before at a party at the mother-in-laws. My brother-in-law's new girlfriend had told us her sister could fit 17 pringles in her mouth at once so I tried to fit 20 in mine. Result- lots of crisp crumbs and Sparky nearly choking (I was sober that time) which is why this time around I only tried 18!! Needless to say- don't try this at home either....

There were a couple of singers at the party- one camp, chubby bloke and an oriental girl who called herself Vannessa Mae. Cue Sparky mentioning several times to different people that she should get her violin out. Yes, I can be very annoying when I'm a little under the influence- god knows how Mrs.Sparky puts up with me- thank god I don't drink too often. I once embarrassed her late one night in the middle of Norwich when I was a bit drunk by shouting out at the top of my voice that I loved her as she waited at the bus stop for the last bus.....are you seeing a recurring pattern here....pmsl

Mind, she couldn't have been too mad at me and my behaviour because she ran me into work the next day when she went to pick up the little one from my 'rents.

I am a tad worried about my recurring habit of sticking my finger up in pictures taken of me when I am a little puddled though. Its becoming a bit of a trademark in photos of me- at this rate, I'm not gonna be able to show Emilie any pictures of me till she's much older as they will all be rude lol! I was brought up so much better than that honest.....wasn't I mum? Mum....mum....

(cue the sound of Sparky being disowned...lol)

How to make friends and influence people.....

Well have finally made an effort after a brief hiatus from my online life and got back in touch with a few people I used to talk to when I lived on the computer and, more specifically, on a book swapping forum called RISI. The forum has changed a little and doesn't seem as fun as it once was but there are a few select people on there I used to enjoy taking to so decided to take some time, advertise my Blog over there and just update my friends there on what I had been up to (not a lot) and that all was well.

It must have paid off as several people have said now that they will be checking out this Blog and now I have a few followers....which is nice. No but seriously, I do appreciate it you guys- you know who you are.

It was good to get back in touch with the friend for whom this Blog is named (miss muppet) as I have really missed talking to her now that I don't speak to one of my other friends, Smiler, as much as we once did. We're still best buddies, me and Smiler, it's just that life sometimes takes over and I know no matter how long it is between chats that we are always gonna be good friends. I'm also kinda missing a real-life friend of mine, Nush, who moved to Sheffield last year and whom I really used to get on with. We spoke NYE and I got the impression she half wishes she was still down here in Norfolk but she moved away because of her fella's job with F1 and sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. She starts IVF on Monday so am wishing her happy thoughts- must tell her about this Blog......made me think, we are going to have to chat more often- sometimes I am terrible at keeping in touch with people but think that must be a guy thing. Also need to phone my best man from my wedding as haven't spoken to him since September at Emilie's birthday party. See- told you I was bad at communicating...

Anyway, all this has made me think: You should treasure your friends and the people close to you in life as they are very important people and very special if they can think highly of you enough to care what you are up to. Talking to the people I have mentioned again has left a warm, fuzzy feeling inside and you can't put a price on that. And if you could, you probably couldn't afford it.

Sparkles xxxxx