E is for exasperated...

This week the theme is the letter E, and E is for exasperated.

Why?

Because so far I have not had that much success pursuing my career offshore. 

I've sent out e-mails and C.V's to companies that provide catering services offshore with little luck so far. An offshore careers day I spent £30 on turned out to be a waste of time and no more than a few stalls in a tiny village hall that offered very little and I have started to lose a bit of hope this week after spending so much money on my BOSIET. And MIST courses.

I mean I know they last four years, but I'm not known for being patient. 

It's like I'm also waiting for my first collection of short stories to be edited, and I know that all the Editiors at my publishers are busy and I know there is a waiting list, but still I want it now! I don't like waiting.

At the minute, that seems like all my life seems to be about at the moment...waiting. 

Hence why this week's theme is Exasperated. 

It could also stand for Executive Chef of which we have a new one at work, but the less said about him the better. 

Till next week and the letter F....

Laters. 

(Impatient smiley)  

A is for Achievement!

My second 'A' post for this week is an update on the results of my BOSIET EURO and MIST courses that I undertook this week. These are the two courses that I needed to pass, along with a medical, to be able to work offshore.

Well, the good news is...I passed! And you know what, despite my dreading the crashed helicopter simulation I had to do all week beforehand, it wasn't quite as bad as I'd been expecting - even if it still was a pretty stressful and grueling experience.

That particular exercise consisted of six drills - three of which involved the helicopter simulator being capsized. First you had to get out of the nearest window with no re-breather on as it went down, then as it capsized and spun round. Then you had to repeat this same exercise but with a re-breather that essentially allowed you to breathe your own air from a bag attached to a LAPS jacket you were wearing that also contained an inflatable life jacket.

The final two drills involved the same exercise but with plexiglass attached to the windows that you had to release first. 

After the whole holding-your-breath drill, I nearly bottled it. During the second drill where the helicopter spun round, I forgot my training, forgot you had to hold onto the window with your exterior hand and angle your body that way, whilst your interior hand clasped your belt ready to release on impact. I almost ended up going out the wrong window and had to do that drill twice! 

Fortunately, I manned up and eventually got the bottle to do it again and after that, the drills with the re-breather were slightly easier. Thankfully, I didn't have to do all the things the woman on the Blue Peter video I shared did - I think hers was more of a military drill exercise, so no being held underwater or trying to climb out the front of the helicopter thank God!

It was bad enough as it was!

The rest of the week was spent sitting in a classroom doing health and safety, practicing some fire fighting and doing some basic sea survival. Tuesday and my helicopter drills were the worst part, and the good thing is not only am I now qualified to go offshore, but also I don't have to do that again for another four years!!

The sense of achievement  I feel right now is immense and I am so proud of myself for facing my fears!

Also, I am now in a much better position to improve my life...

(This is the very pool, same drill and same simulator that I had to endure this week - what you see here is exactly what I had to do!)

Until next time....Sparky out!

30 days of Blog is coming....

Starting Sunday 1st June, I am undertaking a new writing challenge: namely to blog everyday for 30 days!

The rules are simple:- 

You are allowed one day off a week, but you must appoint a day and stick to it every week. No saying 'well, this week I'll have Wednesday, next week Tuesday...', it has to be Wednesday every week if that's what you decide.

And you must write at least 25 words a day, and not cheat by repeating the same word over and over. 

Can I do it? We'll see,..but starting tomorrow, I'm giving it a good go...

See you in about 24 hours people....

 

Interview.....with myself?

One of the things that I want to do as both a writer and Editor at J.Ellington Ashton Press, and as a keen Blogger too, is perhaps do a series of Author Profiles in which you, the reader, can learn a bit more about some the people behind the books you read. My good friend, muse and joint founder of the Press, Catt Dahman, came up with a series of questions the other night while we were talking and I thought it only fair that if I expect others to answer them that I first go under the spotlight. So, without further ado, please welcome.....MARK WOODS!

Interviewer:"Hi Mark, please take a seat."

Mark Woods: "Err, there aren't any seats. This is a virtual room that

only exists for abstract purposes on my Blog and in the imagination of the reader...." 

Interviewer:"Well...um ...stand then? (This is going REALLY well so far, goddamn author types - they're SUCH divas....) Anyway, let's start with some easy questions..."

                           *****

Author: Mark Woods

Books/SS: Several short stories that include UP ON THE ROOF; HAND BUILT BY ROBOTS; COLD HANDS, WARM HEART; DAIRY OF THE DEAD (no typo); TIME OF TIDES; LET IT SNOW and several pieces of short Flash Fiction. Currently working on my first full length novel, ZOMBIE EVERAFTER and a joint collaboration on a Vampire novel with six other authors. Links to author pages and websites and Amazon page: All my short stories and the anthologies they are in can be found here: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Mark-Woods/e/B00F5ZCMAG/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_11?qid=1382973066&sr=1-11

What genre(s) do you write in and why? Horror, Sci-Fi, Fantasy - basically any genre that inspires me. I don't like to be restricted and if I have an idea, I wait to use it in the right context.

What is TIME OF TIDES about both on the surface and down deep? On the surface it is kind of a monster tale featuring fishy threats to a family travelling down the Norfolk Broads trying to escape flooding and severe weather conditions. Deeper down, it is a look at a possible explanation for Global Warming with just a hint of Lovecraftian Lore thrown into the mix...and will be available soon - plug plug!

Interviewer: "Okay that's enough of shameless plugs!"

What inspired this? A group of authors at J.E.A were all asked to do fish stories with a nasty twist and I thought I can do that! I started brainstorming, came up with several elements I wanted to use, came up with an opening segment and went from there with no idea where it would take me!

  

What is difficult for you as a writer? Being original and finding a new angle of looking at things. It is okay to be inspired by something else but you need to then make that idea your own and not do what has been done before! For example, in my Zombie story UP ON THE ROOF, I had several different and unique concepts that I wanted to throw in which I used right at the end just when you thought you knew kind of where the story might be going in order to leave the reader thinking after the story was done.

What is the best part about being a writer? The satisfaction of seeing my name in print. That is all. For so long I wanted to be a writer but never did anything about it then one lady said "Write something" and I did. Then I wrote something else. Then I thought hold a minute, I have a novel idea. No two. No three.... and I began work on the first while I continued  with my short fiction to help get my name out there.

 What advice do you have for new writers? There are lots of helpful pieces of advice out there. One is try to write everyday. With my hectic life, that isn't always possible but I am stricter with myself than I used to be now I have seen results. Another important thing is to write even when you are not in the mood because you may come up with a germ of an idea but not get the details right. You can change the details later in self-edits!

Finally believe in yourself! It IS a cliche but if you don't believe in yourself, how is anybody else going to? I have had a couple of rejections outside of JEA and that is fine because I know my Editors believe in me and want me to keep going. But even if you don't already have a Press you can go to, keep slogging on because if you are good someone will take note and want to publish you at some stage as long as YOU believe you are good. Writing is 95% perspiration and that's not just writing. That's making the effort to put yourself out there! Never be afraid to ask for professional advice either from a rejection. A good Press will say this is why you are not suited to us at this time, try doing this with your manuscript...

What writer(s) inspire you and why? Stephen King, Richard Laymon, Catt Dahman, Robin Hobb. If a book provokes an emotion then it is a memorable experience!

 

What book(s) do you wish you have written? Stephen King's IT, simply because of the legacy it invokes. The town of Derry and Pennywise the clown still feature in many of King's other novels as though the author is reminding you they will never go away and will always be there at the back of your sub-conscious. Also Dean Koontz's Odd Thomas because it chokes me up every time at the end. Or Marcus Zusak's The Book Thief, another book that makes me cry every time!

Do you write for yourself or for readers? Both because if I wouldn't want to read it, why should I write it?

What is difficult/frustrating about writing or being a writer? Being rejected after all the hard work you have put into a story. Finding time to write.

How is your writing evolving? I think it is getting better every day but then you would have to ask my fellow Editors about that! I think I have started out a little raw but am learning to slowly refine my art, my writing to a point where I am comfortable having other people read it. My biggest fear is someone I know reading something I wrote and just going 'no, it's shit!'

 

What work of yours was enjoyable to pen? My work-in-progress, Zombie Everafter is lots of fun to write. I don't want to give anything away because I am playing my cards a little close to my chest with this one but it is intended as a very different Zombie tale set in a familiar land with characters you might know...

What 3 words describe your writing? Fresh, speculative, chilling

  

Do you like to write a series or stand alones?  My short fiction at the mo tends to be stand-alones but Dairy Of The Dead is set in the same universe as Up On The Roof though it is difficult to say how far along in the timeline...my intention is to tie things loosely together in my books in the same way as Paul.F.Wilson does with his Secret History Of The World series or King does with The Dark Tower and it's influence.

Do you outline and plan or wing a book? Both. I start with a plan and start writing, I often know elements and ideas I am going to use but not where they will turn up. Sometimes, as with Time Of Tides, the story goes its own way and all I can do is direct it and steer it to the course it wants to take.

How do you begin a novel? With a basic idea. I go 'what if this happened...' and then extrapolate outwards. I then think about characters and how they fit in. I often have deleted scenes in my head which I save for later should I choose to expand the idea into a novel. Up On The Roof may well expand into a larger novel at some point as I have scenes in my head I never used in that story...

Will you be prolific? I hope so. As long as people WANT to read my fiction, I shall write it. If I feel I have nothing more to say, I will stop. Some writers don't, they keep going and going and this is to their detriment as they begin to alienate long-time fans.

What is your goal? To see a full length novel by myself in print. I have one anthology in print so far with my name in and seeing that makes me feel good!

Which books have been grueling to write? Time Of Tides was a bitch to write until I just let it do what it wanted. Until that point I was fighting it. It is currently in edits so I am waiting to see if I need to make any changes....

Interviewer: "Well, thank you Mark Woods. That was very insightful I think. You can stop talking to yourself in the Third Person now."

Mark Woods:  "My pleasure. And thank you for having me."

Interviewer: " The interviews over now. Don't milk it...."

I don't normally use Twitter, but if I did......

So, been a bit of an Internet recluse these past few months for a variety of reasons that incorporates XBOX LIVE and a busy time at work but am off on holiday this week so am taking the opportunity to revisit my Blog and try and be more proactivewith it! With that in mind, I have also decided, for this week only, to try and use my Twitter account a little more than I might have done in the past to Tweet everything that I get up to. For those of you who don't follow me there (sparkymarky1973) but do follow my Blog either on Facebook or at Blogger.com, I have decided to simultaeneously post my Tweets on here. So be prepared for a few random Blog posts, some mundane observations on life in general and a complete Blog overdrive as I flood these pages with the intimate details of my experiences this week!

Tweet @ 10:27 am ~ Is it wrong that on the first day of my holiday, I have so far acheived absolutely nowt?

B3TA ate my hamster....redux

Recently the website B3TA had another of their regular image challenges, the theme of which this time was movie mash-ups. Here are a selection of my favourites...

I also would like to point out that only two people have responded for my request for questions so far which either suggests that only two people are currently reading my Blog, which is fine by the way ~ I don't mind being ignored, or that you are all a bunch of uninventive and unimaginative bastards who can't come up with anything even remotely funny or interesting to ask me. Which is also fine, because it just proves that a} either I am the most intelligent of all of you or that b}I am that boring that none of you really care what I think anyway and you are only reading this because it means you don't want to do any work in the office and it'll kill 5 mins or so before you go hunting down more of those really unfunny and tiresome E-mails to forward round the office. Y'know the ones that always seem to do the rounds even though everyone has probably seen them like a million gadzillion times before and never found them funny in the first place.

Oh and to Kendie and Ann Nonymous.....I WILL respond to your questions, I even have the answers all prepared and ready in my head, I just can't be bothered right now. But I promise, I will publish the answers in my next Blog which will probably be next week on my week off. I have some new ideas for my Blog next week so keep 'em peeled folks! Till then...ciao and thank frak that HC is back from his holiday this week so I don't have to be in charge anymore....

Ask me anything...

Looking for inspiration, have been looking at other people's Blog pages lately and one of the things some people have done is post little Q and A's about themselves on their Blog so thought it might be fun to do one myself. But, I want the people who read this to pose me the questions....so if you read this on my Facebook Notes and have a burning question you want me to answer then send me a message with your question. Alternatively, post me a comment on Blogger here ~ you don't have to leave your name if you want to be anonymous and I promise to answer all questions honestly or if not, humorously...

So c'mon people, Sparky's waiting.....

Hide and seek.....

So, have made the descison to restrict who can see my Blog on Facebook and have removed the link on my Profile page so that the only people on FB who can read it are those I so choose. I did this because I didn't want certain people reading it simply because it showed up on Facebook but also because my mum is on FB and there are things I have been discussing that I would rather my mum didn't read; not that she uses Facebook much even if she is on it, but there is always the possibility she might while it remains on FB!

The person who sent me the quite abrupt comment recently about my depression, apparently can no longer find this according to her husband, the manager of my Hotel and a mate who goes back a long way, and that is no bad thing but I'm not hiding anything. If she wants to find this, then she can damn well work at it, I'm not going to make things easy for her for the simple reason that I enjoy being awkward. I am quite perturbed that Richard, my manager, has read portions of my Blog but amazingly I am not as bothered about it as I thought about it even if he has been taking the michael a bit at work because I kep a Blog. But the thing about Richard is that he might be a bit of a t**t but he is who he is; what you see is what you get and that is why I will always have a certain amount of respect for him even if I am reluctant to let him know such things. After all, I wouldn't want him to get a big head now would I?

There's a lot of shit flying around at work at the minute which I am not going to get into but I think I am dealing with it better than I have been in recent days? Weeks? Basically I am just trying to keep my head down, do my job and go home but it's not always that easy. Still, if I can remain positive and just get through it then eventually all this will pass; I just have to be patient.....

Anyway, that'll do for now. Can't be arsed to write anything more so until the next time....

see you later Alligator...Sparky xxxx

One small step for sanity, one big step for Sparky.....

So, been a strange couple of days again for me with lots of ups and downs. But I have finally decided to take a big, brave step and consult my local G.P about dealing with my depression. Considering how I have been dealing with this now for most of my adult life on my own, this is quite a significant and important step for me to take. Once I had made the decision, it felt good that I had taken positive action at last to tackle this head on rather than just trying to deal with it and cope -though Monday was kind of a bad day for me as I had major anxiety and got more than a little stressed out at work. It seems to me that the older I get, the harder I am finding my illness to cope with without support and, where once I used to be able to handle the intense pressures of my job and in fact used it as a distraction from what went on inside, now it just seems to add to my problems.

Had some very supportive messages from friends following my decision; two of them followed the same lines. Namely that if you broke your arm or had an ulcer, you would seek medical advice and get it sorted -you wouldn't expect a broken arm to heal on it's own. Just because depression, however minor yours might be compared to other people's afflication, is inside your head, this doesn't make it any less real or serious. That is a very true statement and one that helps me feel more comfortable about my decision though there have been a few times when I have thought about cancelling the doctors' as I don't want to waste anybody's time. This is how it works....you feel a little better and your inner voice says " See, nothing wrong- you're just imagining it and don't need to see any stupid quack!" But then, if I cancelled the appointment then I know next week I would turn around and regret it!! Even if it is a waste of time and she doesn't do anything for me, at least I have taken some sort of positive response. I am in two minds as to what I want her to suggest at any rate. Have heard about and witnessed the side-effects of some Anti-d's (they can cause you to perspire in some cases or have night sweats) and have been told by several people how they can make you feel detached from reality as though you were watching your life rather than paticipating in it but I also know at least two people for whom they have had a postive influence on their lives. And then, if she reccommends I go talk to somebody, how will I feel about that? Me, who finds it extremely difficult to talk about myself- who also writes a very open and public Blog for anyone and his pet sheep to read.....hmmmmmm

Have had one slightly more negative message off of an aquaintance of mine through Facebook, whom I have known for years who shall remain nameless and who basically sent me a message saying I should buck my ideas up and pull myself together and that I should probably get a life. I don't think she likes the whole Blog thing and how I have advertised and imported it onto my Facebook and have been so open and frank to anyone who wants to read this. But that's down to her. I also think she only read what she wanted to read as she seems to have got the impression that this whole funk I am in right now has been brought on by work and the stress building up there. Perhaps I didn't make myself clear but the stress at work isn't helping matters but in no means is it causing it. This whole low feeling that I am experiencing right now is something I have dealt with off and on for years and if I could just "snap out of it", I probably would. This is someone who has, it would appear, obviously never experienced true depression or the whole sense of despondency that goes with it. I don't blame her and it is a very common misconception and attitude to share. But the whole thing about feeling like this is you know it is counter-productive and you know it is illogical and irrational and yet still you cannot pull yourself out of the hole you feel like you are dwelling in. It is akin, I suppose, to being in quicksand and not being able to pull oneself out. I would love to feel happier but you cannot just press a switch; synapses in my brain are mis-firing and this is causing a chemical reaction which I cannot control. I think Mrs.Sparky was more annoyed about it than I was; even she finds it hard to totally understand but has seen enough of it through me to get a limited picture. Kind of like a bad line drawing of an animal; with guidance you can tell what it is but you cannot see what the artist sees. I just found it amusing that, after all the support and advice I have gotten off my online friends and people I have met both in the on-line community and in the real world, that I have finally experienced the kind of stigma that this sort of illness can produce in people. To be fair, this person has a reputation for being blunt and personally I am not offended in any way and take it for what it is; a slightly ignorant perspective obtained through a lack of common experience.

I am still touched by the words of one paticular person,who again shall remain anonymous, " I am very much like you in suffering the ups and downs that depression causes especially at this time of year and I feel that nobody really understands when I try to explain....... after reading some of things you wrote I realise I am not alone in the way I feel about different things". See, that is what keeps me writing this Blog....the fact that through this I have reached out and touched somebody and, without intending to, have offered and recieved a kind of reassurance that they (I) am not on our own!

I have had almost constant positive feedback since I started this Blog and if it is a bit miserable at the moment, then I'm sorry! But you don't HAVE to read it do you..? As another Sparkette told me recently..."write for you and if the people who read it dont like it then tough! its a blog not a work of fiction!"

I did think after recieving the negative message that maybe I should remove the Blog export off Facebook and restrict who reads this and make it less accessible.....but then I thought, "No - to hell with that, I am not writing anything I don't want to share and I want it in the public domain where people can see it!"

But from now on, for everything negative I write, I am going to try and write something positive even if it's only a dodgy joke so be prepared for Sparky's warped sense of humour at times.....

Here's one of my favourite jokes of all time just to prepare you for what sort of thing you might be able to expect for those of you who might not know me quite so well....

Three guys are discussing the night before after a night on the razz. One guy says "I was so drunk last night, I wet the bed." His mate says "I was so drunk, I wet the bed in the spare room where my sister-in-law was sleeping over!!"
The last guy says "I was so drunk, I blew Chunks!"
His two mates go, "That's nothing we often throw up when we're drunk!"
The last guy says "No you don't understand- Chunks is the name of our dog!"

Bdoom..tish!

More from me later...earlier....well something anyway xxxx Sparky

WHO READS THESE BLOGS ANYWAY?

So finally thought I'd start this Blog off properly with a few words and an introduction. I'm Mark; my on-line friends all know me as Sparkymarky which was a nickname first introduced to me by some of my old off-line friends who changed it to Narkymarky when ever I was in a bad mood. I'm 35 years old, currently working as a chef, am married and have a 14 month daughter called Emilie Ann. I came up with the name of this Blog because one of my on-line friends is called Miss Muppet and when she first started her Blog, she asked for suggestions as to what to call it. She liked my suggestion and used it so I thought I would return the favour and name my Blog after her.... hopefully she takes that as a compliment. Anything else you need to know about me, I'll tell you as I go along. Oh and if anyone reading this is on DOOYOO, then look out for my reviews under the name of Sparkymarky1973 and please rate them and I promise to return the favour....

Which brings me around nicely to the title of this post.... When I first started on MYSPACE (these days I am more likely to be found on FACEBOOK), I started a Blog and asked the question- Who actually reads these Blogs anyway? That was my first attempt at Blogging and seeing as how that post is just as relevant today as it was when I first posted it, I thought I would post it again on my new Blog!! So.......

"Just thought I'd start my first ever online blog with a question.....who actually sits and reads these online blogs anyway??!!??

I know I don't normally and, personally, none of the people in my social circle will admit to reading them either so exactly who are these people who spend their time chasing down the strange,abstract often random musings of this new online generation's chaotic mind??!!??
Really, asuming that no one ever reads these blogs anyway, I could write anything-pages after pages of complete and utter rabid nonesense; perhaps something controversial like all gay people will burn in eternal damnation for their sins( I don't think thats likely though in all honesty-do you?) or perhaps something more topical like wasn't it good when we all had black people as slaves? Or wouldn't it be good if all foreigners fecked off back to their own country? (though as I'm not the supposed star of a reality T.V show or a bigot or a racist, all this would simply be a sensationalist excuse to draw attention to myself and lets be honest, I'm sure the majority of intelligent people in this modern day and age are intelligent enough to realise that underneath all of us are equal anyway and that, quite frankly, the world is big enough for all of us to survive without resorting to hatred or bloodshed surely!!)

At this stage,I would just like to make clear that I don't believe in any of the abhorrent views expressed above -I was just trying to make a point.Which, seeing as how no one ever reads these blogs, was probably wasted anyway. Which brings me back to my first question- who reads these blogs??!!?? Who are you reading this now-why are you reading this-in what way are my thoughts touching your life??!!??

Instead of reading about my life on here,now,why aren't you out there living yours?? Life is for living, life is too too mercilessly short- so make the most of it, live every day like it's your last, enjoy yourself-prepare for the future but don't let your plans interrupt your enjoyment of the now!!

Live fast, die hard, don't give up ever without a fight.....and remember tomorrow may be the last day of your life-how will you choose to be remembered??!!?? By some thoughts in a blog you wrote when you were bored- or by something memorable you once got off your fat arse and did for somebody??!!??

There are millions and millions of people on this planet, don't be a stranger.

Make your presence felt.....before it's too late. Even if it's only making that visit to your mum like you always say you'll make or just being there for a friend. Because their clock is ticking too...and theres nothing worse than realising there was so much you could have said or done and knowing now it is too late.

Hope this gives you something to think about......Sparkymarky"


hmmm....well it's no Shakespere thats for sure...lol

Till the next time......laters!

(And if you are reading this, please leave me a comment, maybe give me a suggestion about what I should talk about next....you never know I might actually listen!)